At what point do you give up trying to befriend someone before you have to accept that maybe they just don't like you and you will never reach them? It's a question I ask for myself as much as anyone else in the same boat and my children who inevitably will come across this dilemma in their life's journey.
I don't know if you have been there or not but for me I have always found that the way the game works is; generally you be nice to someone and they reciprocate. Simple Simon! But when they don't return the gesture, the feeling of being ignored leaves you hurt and wondering what the hell's wrong with me? For crying out loud WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME?
There is someone I have been trying to befriend for a while now and despite what seems to be ongoing rejection, I have just kept on trying. I get nothing back in return for my efforts, barely an acknowledgement if I'm lucky. An now I find myself questioning why I keep trying when quite obviously they are choosing to not reciprocate.
Why am I continuing to bang my head against this wall when I know its gonna keep hurting?
Could it be a case of the old treat them mean keep them keen scenario, like when I couldn't help but crush on the biggest bastard in town when I was a teenager? I'm not saying that this person is particularly mean at face level, she is just ..... well nothing really and there lies the problem. How you can be hurt by someone who is doing nothing more to you than just kind of ignoring you?
Is it because I admire her? Maybe!
Is it because I feel we have so much in common, I would love to chew the fat with her and exchange thoughts? Could be!
Is it because she seems to be so elusive that I am drawn to the challenge. That would be insane, but perhaps!
I now find myself at the point I know that I really need to just walk away and give up for my own dignity, but there is still are part of me that keeps hoping I am wrong about her and that she is not really as obnoxious as she is coming off.
In place of the admiration I had for her, I am now left with a huge disappointment that someone I once admired could be so rude and exclusive, and I am angry at myself for thinking that I could have anything really in common with someone that is so full of their own self importance.
At what point does one become so important that they feel they don't need to show common courtesy to others. I must have misjudged her, and that makes it impossible to continue to admire her. In fact it had finally led me to the conclusion that I no longer WANT to be her friend.
I know you cant be friends with everyone ..... actually truth be told I didn't really believe it until now as I have never struggled so hard to reach out to someone before. But the reality is that rejection hurts and you can't help but look at those who they do deign worthy enough of their attention and make comparisons to yourself - you then try to seek out what it is about yourself that you are lacking or that they don't like.
Sometimes there are people who I see others be drawn to, yet from a distance I can't really see what could be so appealing about that person. They are rude - check! They are sarcastic - check! And wow they seem pretty damn mean actually - double check! But I can't seem to help myself - for some insane reason I WANT to get to know that person. I NEED to find out what it is about them that others like. WHAT am I missing at surface level? There just has to be something special there because surely people aren't friends with them for all the ugly traits they put on show.
Most of the time when I do get to know them, I am not disappointed. I crack through the hard shell and find that something special beneath. But maybe, just maybe, sometimes there is nothing all that special to find.
For 38 years I have skipped through life believing that if you are kind to others, they will be kind to you. You will get back what you put out and that no one is ever really truly mean at heart, it is just a facade they wear to protect themselves for reasons only they understand.
Oh Shut up Pollyanna ... Maybe it's time to Grow Up!
The problem is the Pollyanna is so instilled in me that I don't know how to switch her off. I actually WANT to believe that the majority of people aren't Assholes!
I know this is a bit left field for me as I am not particularly such a ranty person when it comes to these sort of matters. But sometimes the disappointment can be overwhelming and it just bubbles over and comes spewing out in little outbursts like this. I am kind of hoping that by allowing it to spew away and giving it have a voice to explain itself I can stop dwelling on it and move on. Besides everyone is allowed to have a mood every now and then and quite frankly I am choosing to have mine now.
I have often wondered why kids are sometimes so curiously drawn to particular kids at school - you know the ones who wouldn't give you the time of day. I have seen one of my own son's eagerly call out and wave to a classmate in the shops only to have that kid basically ignore him and I saw the hurt on my little guys face. It took all my strength to not tip that bratty kids slushy on his head. Instead I told my boy not to worry about it, you cant possibly be friends with everyone and it's totally brat boy's loss not yours.
I'm thinking it is probably about time I perhaps followed my own advice and realise I need to adopt the same 'Your Loss' attitude. Cause no matter how many times I bash my head against that brick wall, its still just a freakin brick wall and will never be anything else.
Have you ever experienced the pain of rejection?
Is this just the most emo post I have ever written?
Have you ever tried to be friends with a brick wall?
Do I have spinach between my teeth?
Linking for FYBF over at the gorgeous With Some Grace